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Jeremy's take on buying a foreclosure from a distressed homeowner is typical.

"I've heard that's a good opportunity to buy," he said over a breakfast of bagels and coffee, explaining that he and his wife are trying to purchase their first home and are looking for bargains. "But I've also heard the process is complicated, and I'm not sure I want to deal with all the legal issues and other issues involved."

With foreclosure rates growing and home prices falling in many real estate markets across the country, more investors and potential homebuyers (like Jeremy), who may have been priced out of the market in recent years, are considering foreclosures as an opportunity to find bargains. And contacting distressed homeowners who have defaulted on their mortgage payments (but may be able to sell their property to avoid foreclosure) can be a good way to circumvent intimidating public foreclosure auctions, which require a higher risk tolerance and much more cash on hand.

But the prospect of contacting owners in default is enough to scare some buyers away, despite the steep discounts that are available. That's because communicating with a distressed homeowner can be mentally, physically and emotionally draining for many buyers. They endure the hassle of tracking down the owner's contact information and then summon the courage to actually make contact, only to have the door slammed in their face, figuratively and maybe literally.

Meanwhile the homeowner is being bombarded by letters or phone calls from the foreclosing bank and other investors, some of them showing little compassion or consideration for the homeowner's predicament. The homeowner doesn't relish the idea of talking to another person who promises to help out but whose sole purpose is making a quick buck.

Yet somewhere in this downward spiral of embarrassment, frustration and cynicism is an opportunity to make the best out of a difficult situation. If the prospective buyer or investor can cut through all the clutter and communicate effectively with the distressed homeowner, both parties may be able to emerge from the situation victorious.

Here are some rules of engagement to help buyers communicate effectively with distressed homeowners:

Think Win-Win

View the purchase of a pre-foreclosure property as a win-win situation for you and the homeowner in default.

• Before contacting a distressed homeowner, spend some time considering how you would feel if the roles were reversed. What would you do if you defaulted on your mortgage? How would you respond if someone contacted you offering to help you avoid foreclosure by buying your home? This exercise should help you realize that homeowners aren't likely to respond favorably unless you show genuine concern for their situation and offer them an alternative that is truly better than any other option.
• Marketing should be about what you can do for that motivated seller, not about you, said real estate investor and trainer T.J. Marrs.
• When you meet with the homeowners, be prepared to do a lot of listening, advises Southern California investor Michelle Mangione, who has been purchasing properties from distressed homeowners for more than three years. Listening to what they have to say will help you understand where the owners are coming from and how you can present an offer that helps them out. You can be a better negotiator just by listening, Mangione says.

NEXT: 4 more tips for working with distressed homeowners >>